


all i want is you around

by moonatoms



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 19:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13302066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonatoms/pseuds/moonatoms
Summary: He thinks: There once was an angel who fell, there once was a devil banned to the deep ends of hell, there once was a world made entirely out of ash with no escape.





	all i want is you around

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own anything
> 
> Yeah, I do not even know what this is and also I should go to bed.

“Who are you?” she asks him in the middle of their first case. 

 

“What are you?” she asks him a few cases later.

 

Lucifer thinks: I don’t know who I am, I know only who I am supposed to be.

 

* * *

Her eyes are bright skies and the stars he hung there. Her gaze is fierce, hardened with the experiences of being a police detective, a woman, a mother. 

 

She challenges him, and doesn’t blink, and doesn’t back down.

 

It shouldn’t be like this and yet it _ is _ and it’s new and  _ fascinating _ and he is intrigued.

 

Earth has been fun and it’s been  _ boring _ but this is  _ something else _ and there is something about her and it’s not her looks, no. She’s pretty, she  _ is _ , but not prettier than many of the other people he has come across on this planet. 

 

It’s something deeper, something that’s etched into every line of her body, that flows deep within her and sparkles in her eyes like a galaxy.

 

It draws him to her, even when he knows it should scare him away.

 

 

* * *

He shows up for another case. And another one.

 

(He can’t stay away.)

 

She almost touches his scars. He doesn’t let her then. Doesn’t let her until many, many nights later when they’re sitting on the couch, side by side with their knees touching and tears streaming down her face.

 

He pulls her into him and feels her exhale against his collarbone, feels his own heart beat rhythmically in his chest, and knows she can feel it, too.

 

There are two layers of clothing separating her touch from his skin, but still, his scars tingle and burn at the whisper of her fingertips, softer than any touch he’s ever felt.

 

Softer than heaven itself.

 

 

 

* * *

He’s lost.

 

He tastes the words on his tongue, harsh and foreign and scoffs but when he breathes in again, he knows it’s true.

 

He had a purpose once. But now he’s just wandering.

 

They all are and yet, and yet it feels different for  _ him _ .

 

He is eternal and humans are but tiny specks of dust. Their lives are ephemeral, their future less daunting than his and in the blink of an eye they are gone again.

 

He breathes in with all the confidence of an ancient, celestial being and exhales with the knowledge that it’s all insignificant.

 

He’s  _ lost _ . 

 

The humans are small and fading and yet so strong and resilient in their own way.

 

Sometimes he thinks he envies them.

 

 

 

* * *

“Lucifer, what is love?” Beatrice asks him, dark, wide eyes staring up at him as she looks up from her book.

 

His gaze meets hers, startled

 

The truth is, he’s never even contemplated the question before. Even back in heaven, he never thought that love even existed.

 

But now.

 

Now he thinks: Love is glances all the way across the room. It’s warm hugs that surround you. It’s burgers and fries and laughter. It’s the way a voice can sometimes help carry the hardest of burdens. It’s soft smiles and even softer kisses that carry the promise of something else. 

 

It’s holding close and sometimes it’s letting go.

 

It’s warm and it’s cold and it lifts you up and despite all the ways in which you know it can shatter you, you yearn for it.

 

(He does, too.)

 

He thinks: There once was an angel who fell, there once was a devil banned to the deep ends of hell, there once was a world made entirely out of ash with no escape.

 

But he  _ did _ . The world is still sharp and rough around the edges, there is still darkness surrounding it but somehow he’s created his own patch of light within all of it.

 

And maybe that’s love, too.

 

 

* * *

She kisses him, twice.

 

Once it is soft, hesitant, questioning.

 

The second time it is anything but.

 

Her arms come around him and she pulls him close. Presses their chests together until their hearts are almost aligned. Her hands move up and up and up until they touch the space above his scars and for once, for once it doesn’t feel anything but  _ right _ .

 

They break apart and he opens his eyes, breathes into the space between their mouths.

 

Her body is earth braving the storms around them, her eyes are the ocean, alight with fire. 

 

He looks inside them and sees everything and nothing.

 

He opens his mouth but she stops him before he can say a word.

 

“Don’t,” she says, and: “I wanted to.”

 

It sounds suspiciously like  _ I want you _ .

 

(He hopes it is.)

 

_ I don’t know who I am _ , he thinks,  _ I know only who I am supposed to be _ .

 

But the truth is, he doesn’t even know that anymore.

 

There once was an angel who fell. There once was a devil. They both had their role, but he doesn’t. 

 

He  _ doesn’t _ and how can he, how can she, how can they -- 

 

She is so strong and fierce, like a monsoon that can soften to a drizzle and then gather up force again. She’s sunshine after the rain and the soft breeze before the storm. She knows what she wants, knows who she is, a detective and a mother and a friend and  _ him _ ?

 

He’s a fallen angel. A risen devil. Something in between, or maybe none of it.

 

“It’s okay,” she whispers, as if she can read his thoughts. And maybe she can and maybe it is. Maybe he doesn’t need to know who he is or wants to be. Maybe this is enough, being here, with her, rooted to the earth by her embrace, seeing the starlit sky reflected in her eyes. 

 

He’s lost, but they all are. And when his eyes meet hers again, he knows she is, too.

 

“It’s okay.”

 

He presses her close and buries his nose in her hair.

 

Breathes her in and counts the seconds as they pass around them, one, two, three.

 

He thinks: Love is the space between two people where nothing else can fit. 

 

Not heaven, and not hell.

 

It just is.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from HAEVN - Fortitude. Listen.


End file.
